"Where there is sorrow, there is holy ground."
Oscar Wilde
Holding space for grief can be challenging. It can easily catapult you into helplessness when you lack expertise, or care for yourself as a therapist.
In its complexity, grief touches every layer of vulnerability and protection we may have as none of us will go through life grief-free.
Holding space for a grieving client may not be easy. There is little comfort a therapist can provide, but there are moments of insight, which, given at the right moment of attunement, can reach through, and unlock self-compassion.
Grief might make it harder to let go and to continue living as we knew how to.
We cannot help but cling to the bargaining, the anger and the depression that come with losing a loved one, we cannot help but continue to feel the injustice of our loss, and continue to suffer because of it.
Here, letting go seems impossible, because by letting go, we fear losing the connection with our loved one.
I often witnessed pain and love dancing together in grief. Suffering is finely blended in, until we start to shift towards kindness for ourselves.
Grief is a process that takes time and can be helpful to consider allowing gentleness in our lives again.
We might invite softness, and see if we can let go of the usual harshness towards ourselves, and by doing so, we might allow peace to feel possible again.
And this might be met with resistance, if we don't yet feel ready to. And that's okay.
There is also hope. As grief is deeply woven into life, we have experience in dealing with it.
Francis Weller beautifully articulated in his book The Wild Edge of Sorrow. Rituals of renewal and the sacred work of grief: "Grief and loss are with us continually, shaping our walk through life, and in some real way determining how fully we engage our lives. This shift in perspective invites us into a prolonged period of learning the ways and styles of grief."
The author reminds us in his book that we can establish a relationship with grief and develop practices that keep us steady in times of distress.
The idea that, in time, we can grieve with more love than pain, coming from the grief expert David Kessler, can too bring comfort to our grieving hearts.
Ultimately, we somehow manage to find a way to relate to our grief beyond the pain and loss, and to anchor in love, connecting to the holy ground of sorrow.
