I would like to start this reflection with a disclaimer and a gentle reminder that you are in control of the pace you're reading this.
I am aware that for some of us the notion of feeling our bodies or connecting to physical sensations can feel triggering due to past experiences where it wasn't safe to do so, and disconnecting was the only thing that has helped to survive.
I am also aware that many of us have been repeatedly told that we are too emotional, too sensitive, or to not feel our feelings too much, to calm down.
This reflection begins by honouring survival strategies, sensitivity and the unique beings that we all are, and shares a few insights into what might support you to reach a feeling of balance, safety and resource.
When we talk about emotional regulation each of us might have an unique perspective towards it. Might it be being always composed, competent? Relaxed or confident? Calm and collected?
Emotional regulation is not about fixing your emotions to look calm or unbodered.
It's about noticing emotions without judgement. Allowing emotions to simple be as you are noticing what happens if you create space for them and just breathe, looking at your emotions as information of what moves you, what challenges you and what is important for you. The goal here is bring with yourself with kindness and support.
Building self-regulation skills is not always about becoming calm. We can still be sad, angry or scared and be emotionally regulated if we can remain connected to ourselves and make intentional choices.
At our body level we might begin by noticing how we are and what physical sensations are present (any tension, heaviness or tightness).
We could turn to our feet and arms and ask if there is anything they sense to do.
We might ask ourselves what would feel right, what would comfort us, and give ourselves permission to attend to our needs.
You might be surprised that it doesn't require you to Do but just Be.
When you offer your emotions space, you allow movement to happen, emotions to shift and be released.
This doesn't need to replace the work you set out to do, or any other tasks. On the contrary, it might enable you to get things done as you are more resourced and connected to yourself.
There is no perfect state of balance to achieve. But we can begin by noticing, holding space and responding to our needs.
Regulation is something we learn and practise — building trust in our ability to notice, respond and return to ourselves.
